An Ode to the Staff


There a lot of people whom I work with on a regular basis, a few of whom I rely on to make my night turn out the way I want it to.  The DJ, for example, works behind the scenes to play me the appropriate music that best suits both my mood and the mood of the crowd.

A good DJ will do this without having to be asked and he’ll do it like a fucking mind reader.  He’ll play me some classic rock for the older gentleman I’m sitting with or maybe some badass KIDROCK or FIVEFINGERDEATHPUNCH for the thirty-something I’m trying to impress.  Just as the crowd is getting sleepy and their heads are turned away or down at their smartphones, a good DJ will flash the strobe lights.  He’ll hit the button on the smoke machine just as I spin around the pole and land, banging my platform stilettos as if to say, “Look at me”.  Thanks, Mr. DJ.

The bartender is a very important person because she sets the mood of the whole establishment.  I hate when we get the occasional bitchy bartender.  She is short with our patrons and has a bad attitude that she passes onto the customers.  It’s just bad for everyone.

A good bartender is always positive, friendly, and aware of what is going on around her.  She might even tell patrons about our special deals on couch dances and champagne rooms as well as drinks.  When I order a seltzer with lemon, a good bartender will put it in a fancy glass for me, so guys don’t keep trying to feed me shots because I’m empty handed.  (I’m a light weight and a good bartender knows this.)

I always appreciate a bartender who puts my drink in a fancy glass instead of a plastic cup.  I know, we strippers are known to leave our empty glasses lying around or get a little tipsy and spill it all… but c’mon.  How am I supposed to convince these guys that I’m the BADASS I say I am if I’m drinking out of a plastic Dixie cup?

Another very important person for me is the bouncer.  He’s always there to walk me out at night.  This might not seem like a very big deal, but trust me, it is.  He’s the guy who is constantly going in and out of the double doors, checking the parking lot, and making sure there’s no creepy guy hiding on the side of the building with a roll of duct tape and a pocket knife.

However, one of THEE most important staff members I work with is the guy sitting outside of the couch room.  You could call him a barback/couch room attendant, champagne room host, or lap dance counter.  No matter which title you prefer, his job is the same.  He runs the credit cards, keeps track of time, brings drinks to the people in the private rooms, and looks out for our safety.  That’s not all, though.  The most important thing he does is KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT.

I want to take this opportunity to thank him for his utmost discretion.  For all of the spanking sounds he pretends not to hear, the way he never comments or whispers under his breath about the man walking back for dances in a skirt and high heels of his own.  For all of the dirty talk he may have overheard or the drunken debauchery he might have witnessed and kept to himself, this is my THANK YOU with all capital letters.  So THANK YOU.  Your discretion and nonjudgmental attitude make the world a better (and much kinkier) place!


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