Toilet Dollars


“Oh no!  I dropped a dollar!” I heard the beautiful, young red haired dancer yell from the bathroom stall.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I must have had a dollar in my G-string when I sat down to pee and now it’s in the toilet!  What should I do?!”

“That’s up to you!  I wouldn’t put my hand in that toilet though.”

“You’re right.  It’s nasty.  Bummer!  I guess I gotta flush it.  But what about inflation?  Does it hurt the economy a little if I flush it?”

I didn’t know how to answer her.  I have thought about this myself fairly often.  It’s not every day that a dollar gets dropped into the toilet but from time to time I see some casualty of currency or another.  Maybe it’s a ripped dollar with the larger half missing.  Or a crumpled bill that’s landed in a trash can due to some intoxicated person’s double vision or poor aim.

“I don’t know how that effects the economy but I wouldn’t worry about it if it’s only a dollar.”

“What if it was a five?” the girl asked me.  “Would you go in for it then?”  The toilet whirled and the dollar disappeared.

“Hmmm…  That’s a good question.”  If I were to drop a five dollar bill in my own toilet than perhaps I might reach in and grab it.  I could see myself sticking a pencil in and trying to get the wet bill to stay on it long enough for me to pull it out.  Would I do the same at work? Definitely not.  “Nope!” I announced.

Then we began to seriously contemplate what the “cut off” dollar amount for reaching into the bowl should be.  There were only three of us in the dressing room but we arrived at the general consensus that nothing less than a twenty warrants reaching into the work toilet.

So next time you shake a dancer’s hand, you can feel safe knowing that it probably hasn’t been in the toilet lately.  However, keep it in the back of your mind that if there was a twenty dollar bill in the bowl, all bets would be off.  Every one of us would reach in.  Let’s be honest here.  You probably would too.


3 thoughts on “Toilet Dollars

  1. Technically, and by an effectively infinitesimal amount, according to Austrian school economics, and with some caveats, it would reduce inflation. The amount of products in the economy stays the same but the amount of dollars in circulation, assuming no one at the other end doesn’t mind fishing it out, has decreased thus increasing the spending power of each individual dollar.

    So if we only had a billion or so strippers dropping one dollar or so each a month down the loo we could counteract the disastrous monetary policies of the fed and save the entire Western world from economic collapse and I can’t believe that I’m even thinking of this while being stone cold sober.

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